Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Big Brother 8

Well... After being preceded by the Ofcom adjudication forced upon it, Channel Four's Big Brother 8 kicked off with the familiar sight of Davina McCall scaling the steps to house apparently struggling to walk and talk in tandem. She then took us, the viewers, on a tour of the house uttering a string of banal observations. The house has been cunningly designed to cause some inconvenience to the inmates; the oven is in the bedroom, the fridge in the garden, that sort of thing. With each new curious discovery McCall twittered, "kind of annoying". How right you are, Davina.

Fortunately, amusement came in the form of a man in the crowd enthusiastically waving a sign which read, "Happy 10th Birthday, Big Brother".

And then came the contenders:

Sam & Amanda - twins. Giggly but no less sinister versions of the twins in the Shining.

Lesley - retired head hunter. Friends with Charles and Camilla. Assured.

Charley - former lap dancer. Cousin of Man Utd bit part player Kieran Richardson. Told us how wonderful she was in her video profile provoking instant (and probably deserved) antipathy from the crowd.

Tracey - cleaner. Seems to be stuck in a late 80s' Acid House nightmare. Something of a cross between Liam Gallagher and Frank Spencer.

Chanelle - nondescript.
Considers herself a Posh Spice doppelgänger. Told us how wonderful she was in her video profile provoking instant (and probably deserved) antipathy from the crowd.

Shabnam - likes make-up.
Davina thought she looked like Amy Winehouse. Told us how wonderful she was in her video profile provoking instant (and probably deserved) antipathy from the crowd.

Emily - thinks she looks like Peaches Geldof. Considers herself educated. Intends to vote Tory at the next election.
Told us how wonderful she was in her video profile provoking instant (and probably deserved) antipathy from the crowd.

Nicky - her video profile suggests she just been sorely wronged by some incorrigible cad. Hates men "at the moment".

Carole - East Lahnden girl. Geezer. Anti-war former Respect Party candidate.

With each new entrant to the house Lesley's mood appeared to palpably dampen. By the time the last inmate arrived she was sitting quietly on her own downing champagne, perhaps as she realised the full horror of what was in front of her. Davina announced at the end that a man will be introduced to the house on Friday.

On the face of it, it looks like a crude attempt by Endemol to incite some bitchiness and maybe if it's lucky a cat-fight with hair and fake nails a-flying. Or that could be a chauvinist interpretation on my part. I can't see it being pretty though.

1 Comments:

At 11:05 pm , Anonymous a. nonymous said...

I see the first one's been dunted for being a big old racialist... I wouldn't be able to tell you which is which, but i'm assuming it was one of the less self aware "i'm desparate for a footballer, me" young tarts.

 

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