Thursday, August 24, 2006

A word on Estate Agents

I've been horrendously busy of late looking for a new flat (though, it may not now be necessary as it goes). Anyway I've failed to put any more on the blog this week so I've resorted to this frivolous post.

I have a problem with estate agents. Nothing interesting there you cry, most people hate the bastards. But in my part of London my hatred of estate agents is for a reason which is doubtless unique to my part of London. What irritates me more than their unctuous manner and spiel and their faux sympathy is that they all look and sound like Dermot O'Leary (is O'Leary or Leary? I can never remember).

They've got the 'number four' haircut and the non-descript, unpinpointable accent. They put their hand on their chin and furrow their brows in the way 'Dermo' so often does and nod as though they're agreeing with you when they clearly think you're a no-nothing imbecile. This also normally occurs when you point out that the flat advertised as having a double-sized bedroom is actually exactly that and you can't get anything else in. They then say, "Ah, but if you imagine the room empty, or you move the things around a bit it looks much better" while he emphasises the point by turning the light off. I hate them.

There's probably a farm- most likely in Kent- which grows these O'Leary-a-likes. They're not actually clones. They're more what you'd expect if Dermot was at the circus and got side-tracked by the 'Hall of Mirrors'. You'd have fat Dermots; tall, skinny Dermots; two-headed Dermots. And that's what I get every time I have to go and speak to one of the bastards.

If you've spotted any Dermot Leary (sic) type estate agents in your town, let me know. Together we can defeat them.

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