Thursday, August 24, 2006

Cruise (Out of) Control

Oh dear. Tom Cruise's increasingly erratic behaviour has led to Paramount effectively telling the titchy star to 'do one'.

Sumner Redstone, Paramount's chairman, has said Cruise's bizarre behaviour has caused his company to lose millions in lost ticket sales. Cruise has recently criticised fellow Hollywood actor Brooke Shields for taking drugs to abate the effects of post-natal depression. And TC also lost his cool on American television arguing with the television host Matt Lauer for having the temerity to suggest that pharmaceuticals might sometimes help treat psychological disorders.

"You don't know the history of psychiatry! I do! ... There's no such thing as a chemical imbalance in the body!" barked the Top Gun star. This belief is, of course, one of the key doctrines of TC's favoured religion, Scientology.

Scientology was founded by the science fiction writer L Ron Hubbard. Hubbard held that Scientology seeks to belittle psychiatry, arguing instead that the root of human misery lies in the actions of an intergalactic ruler who arrived on earth 75 million years ago with a fleet of spaceships.

Tom! Tom! He's a science FICTION writer! Fiction! What? Nevermind.

2 Comments:

At 12:53 pm , Anonymous Tom Cruise said...

Russell,

What is wrong with you Brits, I try and show a bit of positivity and you beat me down. Can't a man jump with joy on a sofa on national tv with the eternal love of a woman twenty years his junior, who he's only known for five days, and I may add (not boasting) allready got up the duff. See! I don't care what the doctors said all those years , we know who really had the problem Nicole - don't we!

Also, anyone who says that Anti Depressants don't have a bad affect on you hasn't obviously seen Brook Shield's TV work. The woman nearly married Andre Agassi for gad sakes!!

Anyway, have to go. If I dont give a sizeable donation by this afternoon I can't progress to the next level of Scientology - it's grand master of Zorb III, very exciting!

Remember I love you all and don't worry about me. I'll be back. I'm exec producing and starring in West Side Story, a Summer Tour around Butlins 2007, see yah there!

TC

 
At 2:41 pm , Blogger Finnieston Crane said...

Tom

Who the hell's Russell? This is a serious-minded blog. Off with you, short arse.

 

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